The Shitpocolypse

My dear cat of 13 years, Benji, is very ill and has been since we relocated to AZ. This cat is my ride or die companion. He’s been with me through it all. He’s also had a rough go of it himself. Between being beaten by his previous owner, a severely botched declaw surgery, emergency surgery to remove a full blockage from his urethra and thousands of dollars later he has exhausted darn near all of his nine lives. Old age aside, the worst of his symptoms has been the constipation. He hasn’t eaten in over two weeks and is not drinking either. His weight is down so much he is just skin and bones and too weak to move. We’ve been trying to force fluids by way of an infant medicine dropper. Between his inability to control his bowels and our wild and crazy cat Taz not leaving him alone, we’ve moved Benji to the bathroom and have tried to make him as comfortable as possible. Knowing his time is coming to end and the outrageous cost involved in going to a vet, let alone not even knowing where in a new city and state to even begin the search for reliable care. I turned, as I usually do, to the World Wide Web for homeopathic remedies to ease his discomfort as he transitions on to a better place. But deep deep down I’m hoping and praying for a miracle. While my husband in turn, starts looking up area vet hospitals and the cost involved in simply putting him down. Neither of us want Benji to suffer any longer but we have very very different views on how to handle things. With my husband’s seeming lack of support and having just moved over 1,500 miles away from the close knit support system of family and friends back home, to say I am a mess would be an understatement. My son Hunter has even started fake crying that’s how much of a mess I’ve been.

In my search I read up on Miralax being a potential remedy to cat constipation. And so begins the “shitpocolypse”. After a week of force feeding Miralax to poor Benji with no real improvement in his condition my husband informs me that he has made arrangements with work and he will be taking Benji in to the vet the end of the week. I don’t pray as often as I should but I prayed and prayed hard. So I wake up this morning to Benji HOWLING in pain from the bathroom. I know that howl. I’ve heard it before. It’s not good. With my stomach in my throat I rush thru my normal morning routine of getting Hunter and I showered and dressed for the day. Got Hunter all settled in with a movie and went to check on Benji. I find him lying on his side in the tub unable to move. He looks up at me with his eyes sunk in and gives a quiet howl. He’s saying “Mommy please help me!” I sit down on the floor and start to pet him slowly with tears welling up in my eyes. Then I see it. A turd the circumference of a plum (no joke) stuck half in half out of his ass! WTF?!? I rush to grab my phone. My hands are shaking so bad I can barely type. The room is spinning and I can’t even recall what I actually entered into the Google search field but a tutorial on YouTube popped up so I go with it. Armed with rubber gloves, a tube of Vaseline and loads of baby wipes I rush back into the bathroom. On with the gloves. Snap! And here we go!!! A few minutes later the obstruction is removed. Whoo hoo! I did it!!! I am now gagging and holding back the technicolor yawn as I try to clean up the very literal shit shower that I, the cat and the bathroom just received.

During this entire process Hunter is being fantastic! He is sitting peacefully watching his favorite movie of the moment, Despicable Me. I am thinking to myself how blessed I am to have such a well behaved child. I am thinking to myself that I don’t know of any other child at just over a year-old that would sit so quietly for such a long period of time. I am thinking to myself HOLY SHIT my son is being way too quiet! Heart racing I rush across the hall and find Hunter sitting peacefully watching his favorite movie of the moment, Despicable Me butt naked and covered in his own shit. I smack my forehead in a “just my luck” manner and get right back to cleaning up MORE shit!!! Ah, the joys of life, right?

After removing the obstruction from Benji’s rear-end he showed immediate signs of relief and improvement. My husband agreed to cancel the vet appointment and give him one more chance. The following two weeks he remained in the bathroom pissing out of his ass due to all the Miralax he had in his system but day by day he continued to improve. And each day, multiple times a day at that, I would clean him up and scrub the bathroom from top to bottom. Note to self for next time Ang…Miralax given to a constipated cat will only result in DISASTER once the obstruction has been eliminated. I repeat, Miralax given to a constipated cat will only result in DISASTER once the obstruction has been eliminated. And THAT my friends is what I have termed the “shitpocolypse”.

UPDATE as of August 4, 2017

It was a long road to recovery but I am VERY happy to report that present day, Benji is still with us and just as cuddly and loveable as ever. He is frail given his age and all that he’s gone through but definitely no longer suffering. We have made numerous accommodations throughout the house for him to make whatever time he has left with us as comfortable as possible. I haven’t yet found that miracle that will reverse time and keep him with us forever but I will always hold out hope and in the meantime we continue to love him just as much as ever. I also continue to pray that there will NEVER be a repeat of the “shitpocolypse” EVER again!

Have you ever experienced a “shitpocolypse” or have a funny poop story to share? Comment below!

“Benji sitting on my Dad’s lap.”

UPDATE as of December 5, 2017

Our sweet Benji passed away late in the evening on December 4, 2017. We were by his side as he took his last breath.