From Hiding to Healing

I have suffered a good majority of my life with an eating disorder and severe body dysmorphia. When I was at my thinnest I TRULY believed I was still fat. I would starve myself until my body was too weak to function then binge until I felt like I was going to pop. And when the guilt of the binge would set in I would purge until there was nothing left. That cycle would continue from middle school on throughout most of my adult life. And for many many painful years I hid it all behind alcohol. So a few years back I gave up the heavy drinking and jumped both feet in to my health and fitness journey never really addressing the root cause of my horrendous relationship with food and my body.

When my eating disorder reared its ugly head again in November I knew I needed to make some SERIOUS changes because there is NO WAY IN HELL I was going to continue to live THIS example for Hunter. Like most kids do, he knows, he hears and he sees so much more than we think. There was no doubt in my mind that it would only be a matter of time before he caught on. After all there is NO MORE HIDING the very second you become a Mom and there is no more hiding behind the booze anymore. Hunter is and was once again “MY WHY”.

So I put my head down and started doing the inner work that I have been hiding from my entire life. I didn’t want to go where I needed to go but I’m thankful I found the strength to do so. Because in doing so I am able to see where things all started to go wrong so I could finally begin my healing journey and start to break the cycle. My past may be the source of my wrongs but it’s not an excuse to remain stuck in a toxic cycle of self harm.

These last few months have NOT been easy but when we had a life altering event back in May that ALMOST but did NOT derail my progress whatsoever, I knew that I was on to something. Not every day is perfect but what I am doing IS WORKING. I’ll be sharing more very soon on what I’ve been doing to break the toxic ED cycle. So be sure to give this post a save and stay tuned!