Category: HEALING

You know those bitty baby biceps I keep joking about??? They’re growing!!! I just took updated measurements today and I am BLOWN away! My biceps have in fact grown. I’m down in inches in all the right places and I’m down in weight too even AFTER enjoying ALL the things with the fam in town.

I’ll be honest I haven’t taken measurements in probably over six months. It’s can sometimes be triggering for me in my ED recovery so I rely far more heavily on how I look and feel in my clothes (hence the gazilion photos). But I am VERY aware that my family going home can also trigger an episode too which is why I decided to take measurements today. Not only to hold me accountable but so I can hit the ground running come Monday and interrupt the toxic habit loop.

I don’t really like sharing my numbers online because I don’t want anyone to feel less than or play the comparison game. I did that for YEARS and know what that feels like. Perhaps I’ll share that someday but today is not that day. If you ARE interested in that info I am happy to share privately so simply DM me.

1️⃣ Know your triggers…busy days are NOT an excuse to binge eat when you FINALLY sit down for the day nor are they and excuse not to eat at all. Have a plan in place. Have food prepped and on hand that will keep you on track with your goals. Don’t even bring the junk food into your home.

2️⃣ Have SOME now and you get to ENJOY IT AGAIN later. It’s an automatic boost in dopamine to know that I get the “reward” of eating something again and even again and again should I so choose. I literally repeat this mantra every day and sometimes multiple times a day.

3️⃣ Water first! Veggies most! Thank you @2bmindset. This one is for all my volume eaters! This entire concept completely switched my brain and my ability to not just tackle intuitive eating but to master it.

4️⃣ Eat with the small fork. This one might sound silly to most. But to anyone who struggles with disordered eating then you know that small forks ➡️ small bites ➡️ slower eating ➡️ more time to make a mind/body connection with the food you are eating.

5️⃣ Leave some food behind. It’s ok to do so. I promise. To anyone who grew up in a “clean your plate or else” household this one is for you. It’s ok to listen to your body. When you feel full it’s ok to stop eating. When you feel full it’s ok to leave some food behind. Even if it’s only a few bites. Just leave it.

I had the profound realization this past year that many events in our lives follow the grief cycle in some way. And that realization catapulted me on a truly unexpected but very long overdue healing journey. I am leaving all the bargaining behind in 2023 and stepping with both feet into acceptance in 2024.

What happened all happened for a reason and a lot of those dots have been connected for me in 2023. What will be will be and I am so open and ready for whatever God and the universe has in store for me and my future.

I know exactly what I want and exactly what I am capable of and exactly what I will no longer tolerate. 2024 WILL BE MY YEAR OF ACCEPTANCE and continued healing both inside and out.

I got asked recently what I’ve been doing differently that has made such a change in my results this past year especially. And to be honest I’ve been doing all the same things. But hands down the most pivotal change I made to my health and fitness regimen was doing the inner work I have been afraid to face my entire life. There were four books in particular that I read this past year that not only gave a jump start to my healing journey but have also changed my life forever. These books have helped heal my relationship with myself, with food and my self-sabotage mentality.

1️⃣ “You Can Drop It” by Ilana Muhlstein – The SIMPLEST meal plan of all time but that’s not even the best part you guys. The entire concept completely switched my brain and my ability to not just tackle intuitive eating but to master it. And coming from someone who has struggled with eating disorders her entire life this step forward for me was HUGE! It was the first time that I didn’t use a “diet” or “meal plan” to cause harm to my body. This book gave me true #foodfreedom.

2️⃣ “Never Binge Again” by Glenn Livingston Ph.D. – With the blunt and sometimes harsh wording it’s was a TOUGH read. I didn’t want to hear what he had to say. But I remember feeling the same way when I started to read the next book I mention below too. After forcing myself to finish the book, come to find out it was just fear trying to hold me back from hearing a message I REALLY REALLY needed to hear. I was letting food control ME and it should always be the other way around.

3️⃣ “Quit Like A Woman” by Holly Whitaker – Whether you are a drinker or not this book is must read for ALL. It really makes you think about just how obsessed our culture truly is with alcohol. Holly’s no B.S. approach was/is hard to digest. But so are all messages we truly need to hear. Her transparency and truthfulness made the story relatable AF! I go back through chapters in this one depending on what’s going on in my life at the moment to keep me fiercely focused. It has a crap ton of takeaways and “Ah ha!” moments that really make ya think. It is one that I will continue to re-read throughout my life.

4️⃣ “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” by Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD – (I have this one on Audible) EVERYONE should read/listen to this book. Period. Its reach is far beyond just the parent-child relationship and can be applied to ALL relationships. Read it for yourself. Read it for your parents. Or simply read it to have more empathy and understanding of others.

I have suffered a good majority of my life with an eating disorder and severe body dysmorphia. When I was at my thinnest I TRULY believed I was still fat. I would starve myself until my body was too weak to function then binge until I felt like I was going to pop. And when the guilt of the binge would set in I would purge until there was nothing left. That cycle would continue from middle school on throughout most of my adult life. And for many many painful years I hid it all behind alcohol. So a few years back I gave up the heavy drinking and jumped both feet in to my health and fitness journey never really addressing the root cause of my horrendous relationship with food and my body.

When my eating disorder reared its ugly head again in November I knew I needed to make some SERIOUS changes because there is NO WAY IN HELL I was going to continue to live THIS example for Hunter. Like most kids do, he knows, he hears and he sees so much more than we think. There was no doubt in my mind that it would only be a matter of time before he caught on. After all there is NO MORE HIDING the very second you become a Mom and there is no more hiding behind the booze anymore. Hunter is and was once again “MY WHY”.

So I put my head down and started doing the inner work that I have been hiding from my entire life. I didn’t want to go where I needed to go but I’m thankful I found the strength to do so. Because in doing so I am able to see where things all started to go wrong so I could finally begin my healing journey and start to break the cycle. My past may be the source of my wrongs but it’s not an excuse to remain stuck in a toxic cycle of self harm.

These last few months have NOT been easy but when we had a life altering event back in May that ALMOST but did NOT derail my progress whatsoever, I knew that I was on to something. Not every day is perfect but what I am doing IS WORKING. I’ll be sharing more very soon on what I’ve been doing to break the toxic ED cycle. So be sure to give this post a save and stay tuned!

I want to share my thoughts on something that has been a rollercoaster ride in my health and fitness journey: the scale.🎢⚖️ Let’s be honest, for the longest time, I allowed that little device to hold WAY too much power over me. I’d step on it anxiously, seeking validation from a number that would define my worth.😔 But oh, how wrong I was! Recently, I’ve embarked on a journey to redefine my relationship with the scale. It’s become a tool that empowers me rather than enslaves me, and as I step on the scale this morning up a pound I wanted to share some of my insights with all of you.

First and foremost, remember that your weight doesn’t define you. You are a radiant being, brimming with unique qualities and infinite potential.🌟💫 The scale is merely a measurement of gravitational force, not a measure of your worth, beauty, or progress. Repeat that mantra daily!

Now, let’s talk about using the scale mindfully.🧠 For me, it has become a tool to track my progress and keep myself accountable. I’ve learned to detach my emotions from the number it displays. It’s just data, a snapshot in time, subject to fluctuations caused by numerous factors. Remember, progress isn’t always linear. Our bodies are miraculous and complex, and weight can fluctuate due to various reasons like water retention, muscle gain, or hormonal changes.🌊🌕 So, rather than fixating on daily fluctuations, I focus on long-term trends and how I FEEL in my own skin.

My fitness journey isn’t just about the weight; it’s about nurturing my body, mind, and spirit. I celebrate non-scale victories like increased energy, improved strength, and a positive mindset. These are the true measures of progress! It’s easy to get trapped in a toxic relationship with the scale, where it becomes an obsession, fueling negative self-talk and harming our mental health. I urge you all to embrace a healthy relationship with the scale, rooted in self-love, mindfulness, and perspective. Use it as a tool, not a judge. Celebrate your victories, both on and off the scale.🎉👏🏼 Remember that your journey is unique, and you are worthy of love and acceptance every step of the way!🌻🫶🏼

Let’s talk about burnout from working out.🪫💔 Yes, even fitness enthusiasts like me can hit a wall sometimes. And well, after successfully completing #75HARD back to back years I had hit that wall. 🧱🔥

It’s crucial to listen to our bodies and minds when they’re telling us to slow down. And I’ve taken the better part of a year to do just that. So if you’ve been feeling the burnout blues too fear not, because I’ve got four tips to help you bounce back stronger than ever. 🚀💪🏼

1️⃣ Embrace Rest & Recovery: Give your body the chance to repair and recharge. You’ll come back feeling revitalized and ready to tackle those workouts with renewed energy. 🥱🪫

2️⃣ Mix Up Your Routine: Feeling burnt out might be a sign that your routine has become monotonous. Shake things up! Try new exercises, break into random dance parties, or engage in outdoor activities. Rediscover the joy of movement and make it fun again! 💃🏻🕺🏻

3️⃣ Set Realistic Goals: Set goals that challenge you without overwhelming you. Celebrate each milestone along the way, no matter how small, and remember that fitness is a lifelong commitment. 🎯🌟

4️⃣ Feed Your Soul & Mind: Use your downtime wisely. Dive into some personal development. Read a book, listen to a podcast or two, practice yoga and/or meditation or even start a new hobby. 🧘🏻‍♀️📚

Remember to be kind to yourselves and acknowledge when burnout creeps in. Take a step back, recharge, and come back even stronger! 💪🏼🔋